Messed up conversations with drunks

You know what PISSES ME OFF, you know when your having a conversation with someone and for some reason you get on to a particular topic, in this case lets say the topic is...nuts. Don't you hate how the other person usually has to make some DUMB ASS sexual comment creating some kind of lam ass pun base on you ligament topic of conversation. lets say you say something like "I not sure I like those nuts, they leave a weird taste in my mouth" then the other person in the usual DUMB ASS fashion just has to say something like "uh you don't like the nuts in your mouth?". Then he or she laughs like a idiot for half hour because they think they made a clever joke out of your topic of conversation. THESE PEOPLE NEED TO BE KILLED, I am sick and tired of people warping simple topics into something perverted. God forbid if your a woman who gets caught up in some kind of twisted wordplay like this, before you know it everyone at work or school is getting on your back because you made a comment about a large ball. It's unnecessary, it's stupid and it just shows that your thinking with your sexual organs rather that your brain. This being the case someone should glue your mouth to your butt so that they may illustrate that you truly indeed SUCK ASS!! Next topic, drunk people. You know the type of ASSHOLE who always has to get shit faced on the weekends, who goes staggering around, patting you on the back, like your his best friend when all you want him to do is get in his car and drive home recklessly! I'm sick and tired of some incoherent ASSHOLE who smell like a case of malt liquor, all of a sudden talking about the philosophy of life while trying to pick up some woman at a bar. Nice! What worse is those FUCKING DOLTS that go around and actually tell you how fuck up they got the night before. Like they deserve some type of reward for falling face first in a patch of tomatoes in there back yard at 4:00 A.M in the morning. "Don't forget, friends don't let friends drive drunk." SCREW THAT, as far as I'm concerned give them the keys, rev up the engine and let them go sailing home with a bottle of tequila in their lap. 1 of 3 things will happen: 1. the cops will pull him over and end up having to beat the shit out of him just because this fucker is in a drunken rage and refuses to turn off Neil Diamond's, "They're coming to America". #2. They wrap themselves around telephone pole and either be killed or paralyzed. Cruel you say, well so is inflicting your drunken stupidity on the rest of the world. So be ready to pay the consequences ASSHOLE. Scenario #3, my least favorite, they make it home o.k. and pass out on the lawn with their motor running while the radio is blasting some DUMB ASS metal song from the mid 80s that no one wants to hear anymore. At least it gives them a chance to try again next week. So if your a drunken idiot or a moron who has to manipulate ligament conversations to get a cheap thrill out of your luby hole please feel free to get together on the weekends, drive around drunk, make all the twisted sexual comments you like I'll just watch from the local diner window as they scrape your body off the pavement with a FUCKING spatula! Get out of our FUCKING lives you moronic ASSHOLES, your existence is useless and your dragging down the collective intelligence of humanity. Don't like what I have to say? here's the keys a bottle of Jack Daniels. I'll see you tomorrow, but hopefully not.

Smoking Smokers

You know, I FUCKING CAN'T STAND SMOKERS, living in Vegas doesn't help either. Not your average smokers that actually smoke, I'm talking about your half hearted quitter. Now there are 2 types of quitters, those who say "you know what I quit" and actually quit and never pick up another cigarette again. I like these people, they are strong willed beings who deserve a big piece of cake or sugary item of their choice. Then theres the other type of quitter, the "I've been trying to quit for 10 years now" quitter. The FUCKING weak willed JACKASS who smokes for 1 week, quits for 3 days, and starts right back up again because he or she "needs their fix" and can't handle reality without their nicotine. Now just because they decided to quit, any time something goes wrong they get all bet out of shape and depressed and for some reason decide to everything out on you, the non-smoker. Well guess what, I"M NOT DEALING WITH THAT SHIT, FUCK THESE HALF ASS QUITTERS AND THEIR IDIOTIC EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTERS. IF YOUR A QUITTER FUCKING QUIT, IF YOUR A SMOKER, SMOKE YOUR GOD-DAMN BRAINS OUT just don't be one of these PUSSY ASS BULLSHITTERS who "wants to quit but just can't do it" GROW UP!! Don't go around and ruin every ones fucking day just because you can't have a cigarette! You know that's what they do, they all just ruin your day. Now just because they're going through nicotine withdrawals, these brain dead over developed cum shots are bursting into tears or setting themselves on fire anytime the office copier isn't working properly. A lot of people like to say "well you don't really understand unless your a smoker" frankly I just don't really give a shit. Just because some asshole made the mistake of smoking up and getting addicted to nicotine 12 years ago all of a sudden I have to be all supportive and understanding on their "road to recovery", SCREW THAT!! I went through my life making DAMN sure I didn't smoke, and now, because some ASS CLOWN didn't have the will power to say NO and got hooked 12 years ago, I'm suppose to take their moody BULLSHIT?! FUCK THEM, FUCK THEM UP THE ASS WITH A PACK OF CIGARETTES AND 3 CIGARS!! These indecisive wastes of DNA need to make a FUCKING choice, your either a smoker or your not, find out which one and be that person. If you can't decide then stay the FUCK away from me and eat some of those nicotine patches until your eyes turn yellow. Stop bothering me with your pathetic crap you loser.

Hot enough for ya

Do you ever watch the news, during the summer, and on a really hot day some JACK OFF umbrella sucking weather reporting smuck "goes to the people" and asks them "so is it hot enough for ya?". This drives me nuts, I mean its a hundred degrees outside and this over paid rain cloud is set out to stop people on the street, where its really hot, and ask these poor sweaty bastard's an idiotic question like "is it hot enough for ya?" WELL WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK!!. I would personally like to give sarcastic to these news assholes who seem to go out of their way to stop me on the street. "So is it hot enough for ya? Well no Bob, actually I could do with another 20 degrees because my balls haven't completely shriveled up yet. Yep 20 more degrees should do it". Then they ask the other "hot weather" question "So what are you doing to stay cool? Well Bob I just put my dick in the ice cream cone your eating and that helped a bit but long term coolness will definitely require me to stick my hairy naked ass in your catered punch bowl!!" People like this just make me want to throw a big heaping handful of fire in their face, IS THAT HOT ENOUGH FOR YA!!